Thank You Notes

A heart of gratitude goes a long way and words of thankfulness can encourage and empower those around us. We forget often to think back on the goodness of life and those that were along the way in each part of journey. So this is a simple but deeply, heart-felt thank you to all those that have loved me, supported me, and impacted my life in some way, whether small or large.

Mom and Dad:

Thank you for giving me life. You brought me into a home; a home that gave me safety, a curious and creative mind, the ethic of hard work, food on a table and clothes on my back, and the world as my oyster. Even more, thank you for not casting me away in my hardest and darkest years, you know those “goth punk” years. That took a lot to keep trying to understand me in those times, so thank you. Also, thank you for standing by me in this crazy life I chose of saying yes to God even though it doesn’t make sense most times – you still are always in my corner even when my corner is confusing or the dots aren’t getting connected. Thank you for letting me be who I am and believing in me.

Chandra:

My big sister, who always has shown me how to love life and enjoy the moments around me, thank you. Without you I would have not opened my mind to the vastness of the world at the young age I did. You have always been a dreamer and that helped me not feel like a misfit when I realized I was a dreamer too. Thank you for being you, for being adventurous and spontaneous, it’s been a great teacher to the more methodical/logical side of my brain. Life wouldn’t be as rich without you in it! 

Shannon and Tracey:

Where do I begin? The love you have shown me since the day I showed up in your youth room surpasses what I ever expected from church. In all my mess and hard questions you stuck by me. When I sat in your office or came to your house in tears, you never left the room. When I had hardly been following Jesus for five minutes you were empowering me to speak, pray, prophecy, to walk in who I was. Your immediate embrace of love and support still blows me away and I am experiencing the fruit of it even today. A thank you just doesn’t seem enough but it’s all I have, so thank you for seeing me.

Pastor Roy and Cheri:

I have traveled the world and America and met people from all different backgrounds and I realize more and more how honored I am that my first experience of pastors was you. You have shown me the true meaning of leadership, integrity, faith, and how hope and beauty can come from pain and struggle. There is no amount of words that could express who you are to me and what you have meant. Mostly, thank you for loving me like your own and fighting for me to keep going.   You have always believed in me and trusted my heart and dreams and I am learning that that is rarity to find in today’s world.

Linda:

“Just be creative” — I never knew that those words would be the building blocks of a relationship I can’t imagine life without. I am in tears just thinking of my thankfulness for you. Thank you for showing me what a powerful woman looks like; you have shown me that over the years in the way you love your family, the authority and faith you carry, the pursuit of your dreams and desires, and in the moments when you spoke direct truth into my brokenness and frustrations. I know that you will always be cheering me on and I hope you know that I am cheering you on to. It’s not easy to find solid, genuine people – and you are one — and I am so thankful I found you! 

Christian Assembly:

When I first starting coming to Christian Assembly, I had no idea what was happening around me (being a person that had never seen or heard of miracles, Holy Spirit, worship, etc) but I knew there was passion. You as a body have inspired me, challenged me, fought with me, and supported me. Getting to be a part of your lives can be credited with so much of where I am now in life. No matter where I go geographically you will always be a home to me, a family that I can lean on and find encouragement from. Thank you for letting me into your homes and families, for trusting me and equipping me to understand better how to live a life of obedience to Jesus in a real and genuine way.

Family & Friends:

To my family, beyond any word I could speak, thank you. Some of my best times in life have been spent with you. I continually brag wherever I go about those good times, four wheelin’, shooting guns, playing cards, bonfires and hayrides, and just the simplicity of being together. On the list of things I am grateful for in life you all are way up there. I could not have asked for a better family. My heart wells up with pride for you all.

To my friends, you are a special breed. We aren’t bonded together by blood but in spirit. We have helped shape one another into the people we are today and loved each other through our differences. As I write this I think of all of you, memories flashing through my head, the belly laughs, crazy road trips, honest tears, and hours we would spend talking about life and its meaning. Thank you for wanting to have those deep conversations, for challenging the normal, and for laughing our way through the unknowns of life. This thank you stretches over the vastness of the earth to everyone I have loved and met along the way to those that I have known for years: It’s an honor to call you friend.

 

 

This list could go on and on and I hope you know that even if you weren’t mentioned by name in this it doesn’t mean I haven’t thought of you. Maybe this blog is silly, I don’t normally write in this way or theme but I think we need to be thanking one another for the goodness we have brought into each other’s lives.

So again I say, thank you (because to all who read this we have known each other in some capacity) for opening the doors of your life and allowing me in, whether it was one conversation or years of memories, thank you.

Dear Unbelief

Dear Unbelief,

Hello old friend, or is friend even the right word? Out of politeness I have given you that warm title over the years even though you were never deserving of such words. I remember the years you kept me confined, boxed in from reaching out and experiencing life. I remember the pain you caused me as you kept lying to me and convincing me that the dark abyss I found you in was meaningful. You thought you had me. I thought you had me. You had tied yourself tightly around my heart and mind. I let you have me. No, friend can’t be the word to best describe you. A dictator and deceiver should be your names – I have just the name for you: Deceiving Dictator.   I’ll make sure to pass it along to others that that is your true name.

It’s been eleven years since I left you behind. Somehow you still tagged along, quietly for years, manipulating me. But I recognized your presence this week. You tried to tell me that shouting my freedom out loud in front of a room of people I love and trust wouldn’t work for me. That shouting would just be emotional hype and it wouldn’t mean anything. You influenced my emotions and thoughts and when I had almost disengaged and gave you the victory, I recognized you. I saw you and called you by name, Deceiving Dictator. You try to take away my power and freedom but I recognized your lies that day. The clock had almost ran out. The room was filled with shouts of freedom and declarations of chains breaking and I was settling for others freedom but not mine. I was engaging for others but ignoring my own freedom because you were there convincing me that I wasn’t deserving or able to have that freedom.

But I recognized you.

Deceiving Dictator.

Hurling myself, or so it seemed in the mental battle I was engaged in, into the center of the room I began to force the words out through the muzzle you were trying to place on me. I gazed around the room and let the words spill from my mouth:

I always believe that these moments of freedom can mean something for everyone else but for me it seems not possible that it can be true or of substance. Unbelief creeps in and I give in to its lies. But I say, to hell with you Unbelief! THIS is my moment! THIS is MY moment! THIS IS MY MOMENT!

Tears streaming down my face out of the liberation of speaking those words out into the air but also at the panic of exposing myself. Body shaking, I returned over to my corner of the room and settled into what I actually had just spoken to you. You see, I recognized you that day. I decided that I would never give you a say in the matter any longer. I almost let you stay but freedom was calling me; Truth spoke a better word than your words that were coated with deception. Truth shattered the existence of your words that day.

I recognized you in that moment.

Deceiving Dictator.

Consider this our parting words. I don’t need you nor do I want you. From this point forth I will make sure to warn people of a friend that comes in disguise, claiming that they are safe place that speaks honestly but actually only speaks lies and is really a fraud. You never gave me honesty; you never gave me life; you never were a friend. You were a destroyer. You see, I recognize you for who you really are.

I wish I could say it was nice knowing you but looking back all I can say is that it was everything but that. The time has come for you to leave. You are not needed around anymore.

Goodbye Unbelief.