Don’t Let the Storm Fool You

How about you try to lay it all down?  Forget it for a while. Take a break.

The past eight months have been some of the most challenging months I have faced with uncertainty looming around every corner and waves of grief crashing on the shore of my heart it seemed daily. 

The organization I was working for was having major problems internally that led me to leave, Covid began to show itself here in Cambodia, my closest friend of three years here in country left, I had to move cities thus losing all the normals of the life I had built for three years, I was 31 and single, and I had no clue what was next. 

I do not know how you process transitions or get your mind around situations but I ask God for pictures, little short films, that capture me and Him and the season I find myself in.  Recently I asked God for a picture of what this past six to eight months looked like and I began to have my own “disciples in the storm panicking” sort of moment. 

Dark waters, gloomy skies, pelting raindrops that stung your skin, chaos swirling around with winds tossing the boat every way – it felt unending.   I was pacing to each end of the boat, fully overwhelmed by the circumstances surrounding my little boat.  Which was the right way? How could I manage the boat from not capsizing? Did I really know how to weather a storm like this?  Would I survive it all?  

Doubt and worry making their great appearance in my thoughts.  

Stress building up and feelings of inadequacy – I couldn’t keep this boat above water.  

I looked over to my friend, Jesus, in the boat yelling question after question over the load roars of the situation surrounding us.  I was a bit frustrated with His lack of response. He was laying down with his eyes closed and seemed to be unbothered by it all.  Then He peaked His right eye open and said, “how about you just lay all those questions down?  How about you forget having the directions for a minute and take a break?” 

“But the storm?!” I exclaimed. This seemed absurd and a bit impossible.  I mean, this storm was massive.  It was full of grief, pain, vulnerability, loss, the unknown, and uncertainty – how could I really not stress about all of it? It was so loud, demanding for my attention. 

“You do not have to figure it all out.  I am here. I am in the boat.  The storm won’t come inside the boat and it won’t over take you.  Trust me – take a rest from it.”

You see, I had been asking question on question every day for months.  Keeping my focus more on my circumstances more than my Friend in the boat. I wasn’t trusting Him fully –  I was holding things in my hands, trying to make sense of it all when He was all along inviting me to deeper trust, to lay it all down and rest in His peace.  

After I choose to lay all my questions and worries down I found much more peace.  I didn’t magically get answers or clarity on of the matters I had been pestering Him with but I did find Him.  He never denied the storm happening around me but He did change my perspective. You may have a storm raging around you and I will not tell you that it isn’t real.  It is very real, it is hard, and it feels overwhelming – I am sure of it.  I also know you can choose to take the pressure off yourself. You can choose not to carry the burden of solving the riddles written out in front of you.  

Too often we magnify the storm, the situation, we are facing. We pick it apart, look at it from all angles, and still find ourselves frustrated because maybe it isn’t for us to figure out in that moment.  I stopped asking and decided that Jesus would tell me more at the time it was needed.  He has always told me what I needed to know when I needed it.  He has always opened up doors when the door was ready to be opened and he also always closed doors, that after hindsight I realized, needed to be closed.  A storm can kind of make us forget that absolute truth that He is with us.  Don’t let the storm fool you – He is with you in it. 

I can trust Him.  You can lay it all down.  We can take a rest from that worry.  

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

So, how about you try to lay it all down?  Forget it for a while. Take a break. Trust Him.

Rest

Significant

2020.

The year that we will never forget.  I remember this time last year, praying and asking the Lord what the next year held, for direction and vision.  I also remember not hearing anything specific of what this year would hold other than “lean in”. Sure, I knew that was an invitation to deeper intimacy with Jesus but I did not know it would be happening with the backdrop of a pandemic, a divided and wounded nation, and intense election swirling around us. 

We have all lost something this year – a job, friendships, loved ones, maybe your hope and joy. 

I did not know I would leave Cambodia in March in the midst of a worldwide pandemic and go home to isolation life for three months.  I fought it hard in my heart – feelings of being a failure, weakness, loneliness, loss of what I thought 2020 would hold for me and my team in Cambodia. When I first got back to Kentucky in March, I felt small and insignificant.  And as Covid-19 raged on, I think we all felt that at some moment to some degree because when you are alone and all of our normals cease to exist it feels shaky.  

And then I remembered the words from months previous – “lean in”.  And leaning in to Jesus did not look like work, ministry, or what I could “do” —  it was resting in Him.  I found myself day after day outside in a hammock or laying in the grass in the stillness with Him to just be. Over the months of March to June of laying under the trees in my parent’s backyard I saw the trees go from their dormant winter state to beautiful spring blooms to lush summer leaves.  

I was reminded that each season and each moment has purpose. And out of small places, feelings of insignificance, and hopeless situations, purpose is fully alive.  

“And you, little Bethlehem,
    are not insignificant among the clans of Judah,
    for out of you will emerge
    the Shepherd-King^[g] of my people Israel!”

Matthew 2:6 

Fast-forward months later, back in Cambodia, and I read this verse and the words were like a trumpet to my heart. Bethlehem, Jesus’ birthplace, was seen as small maybe even meaningless but yet it is a place we now recognize worldwide.  God does not have a level ranking system of significance. He isn’t interested in how big we makes ourselves in the eyes of others or loud our voice carries or what pay bracket we are in or how “together” we have it. 

He sees significance in you – in all of us.  

So maybe 2020 was unexpected, discouraging, defeating, heart-breaking, the list goes on. But do not stop there – let the blooms come out and the lush leaves grow on that seemingly “dead” tree you’ve been looking at because out of you, your situation, there will be significance.  There will be hope.  There will be beauty.  

You matter. 

You are not small.  

You have purpose, whether you find yourself in a valley or on a mountain top.  

You are significant.  

your purpose is alive within you in all seasons

Run Wild

Come and see something with me…

You are at the grocery store. Aisles upon aisles with all of the foods, all the things.  It is back when the grocery store had those automatic coupon dispensers by each sale item. (they were the coupons between the newspaper era and the computer/phone era). They were at your left and right, ready for you to pull the coupon right out and be on your way. It was every kids dreamland of fun while stuck with their parent on a grocery run. Or at least it was for me.

You are running down each aisle. Hair wild. Arms flailing around, grabbing every coupon you can. If it is there, you are taking it.

Then there is an inside voice that says, “You can’t take all of those. It is wasteful. Do you really need that? You can do without it, don’t you think?”

You see that is along the lines of what my mom would say to me when I was younger grabbing all the coupons. Even if I didn’t need it – it was mine. Like a coupon for detergent –  no five year old needed detergent but it was there so why not? My mom would say “you can’t take all of them. We don’t need that so we shouldn’t take it.” Now for that situation that was probably true.

But what if that is the exact line the enemy is using against you when you see God’s goodness, His peace, His love.

“Oh you don’t need all of that right now. You are kind of at peace, you don’t need to take more of it.”

or

“You can’t have joy and revelation at the same time. Pick one.”

What if that is the easiest lie he speaks to us? What if he is trying to distract us from a perfect Father that lets us take every “coupon”, every good thing? What have you not been taking that has already been laid out for you since the beginning of time? Because let’s face it the enemy would be pretty successful if he could keep you from living FULL of God. 

Peace. Love. Hope. Goodness. Victory. Healing. Joy. Wisdom. Holiness. Unity. Revelation. Faith. Strength. Freedom. Life. All of who He is.

That grocery store is the storehouse of all God is. And he is not withholding from you. You can take all of Him, every part of who He is, and it will never be “too much”. 

Don’t believe the lie whispering to you that you can’t reach for that victory or that you can’t take that peace. When you hear that remember – it is a lie.

“No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11

So run wild down the aisles and grab all you can because it is all there for you. He has already set it out for you – it is yours. 

Reasons.

“Why do you love Joshua?”

Because I love him.

“Yes, but what made you love him?”

Because he is my son.

Standing outside of the local church building with the boys piled around the tuk tuk hanging out before a church service this was the question I was posed with. My mind began swirling with questions wondering why I could not find words for an “answer”.

You see, I am a person that loves words. I love what they can do and the story and emotion they can convey. I love to understand the

deeper parts of a matter; I like to dig into the why of life. This should be a question filled with words because it is about the love I have for my favorite person on the planet.

Where were my words? Where were the reasons to answer the question?

The rest of the evening was busy but these questions kept recycling through my brain because like I said I love to understand things. I took it to God in my thoughts. God, I should be able to answer that question with so many words.

“Have you ever heard someone ask a parent why they love their child?”

More thoughts swirling. Thinking back twenty-eight years of life. And not one memory had that conversation piece.

“Would you ever ask a parent why they loved their son or their daughter?”

No. That would the most odd question because a parent doesn’t need reasons to love their child.

“Exactly.”

Sometimes you have endless words to describe something and the other times words aren’t necessary. I realized I was in one of the latter moments.

And then the parallels clicked. Beyond my love for Joshua and your love for your child or significant person in your life is God, the Father, the creator of Love itself.

My love for Joshua didn’t come to be due to reasons. I didn’t decide to love him based on x, y, and z. There are tons of things I like and enjoy about him but it wasn’t because of those things.

God didn’t decide to love you because reasons that you control. He loves you because you are his kid.

He isn’t that boss that interviews you for a job and while you are sitting nervous he scans your resume to see if he wants to hire you based on your qualifications. He isn’t that boy or girl you have a crush on that has to be pleased or is waiting for you to do some knock out act of love before they love you back. He isn’t that person that loves you because they can benefit from you. His love doesn’t need your personality, accomplishments, or acts of service to be.

He has tons of things he likes about you. He enjoys your company and loves to hear your voice. He is cheering you on to go after your dreams and goals. He thinks you are funny, interesting, and unique.

But His love came before those things.

That day I was initially frustrated to not have a long answer full of beautiful words as to why I loved Joshua. And in that wrestling God reminded me of the hugest truth he wants us all to understand.

He loves me, and you, not because of our merits but because we are his sons and daughters. His love is not contingent on current situations. It has and will always be love.

Now it’s time to live from that truth. We aren’t scrambling to gain his love. You can live from his love right now no matter if you think you have it all right or if you think you are a mess.

Live from his love for you.

Of One Vine

Who are we sometimes I wonder? Mercenaries or lovers?”

 This is a lyric from a John Mark McMillan song that is always floating around in my head as a sort of heart and gut check.

What am I doing? Why am I doing it?  Where is my heart? Where is my mind?

I find myself many times, taking a step back and watching the world as a whole.  We spend so much time in today’s culture of magnifying our uniqueness that we forget that in the sum of all of us we then make up the world. The world is not just one person, one idea, or one color of skin; it is in the totality of all of us that we are making the earth what is was always supposed to be – a place for God’s family. He gave it to us – which means each and every person you see pass you by on the street.

Why do we push up against one another? Why do we push each other away?  Why do we try to stay in our own small space and never see outside of ourselves?  Are we truly loving one another or just surviving?

“So this is my command: Love each other deeply…”

God has made life into the simplest vision statement for us and yet we miss it. We let our own opinion and ideas lengthen the chasm between ourselves and one another. Rather than bridging a gap, we increase the distance.

In the footnotes of that verse my attention was grabbed and I read a line that I wish I could some how speak loud enough that the entire world would hear.

“We are not branches of many trees, but of one vine.”

How beautiful to remember that we are of one vine.  He made us, we come from His heart.  We are all His dream and hope.  We share in that no matter our differences or choices that we make. In the beginning it all started with us being dreamed up in His heart.

Will we always have some sort of filter that we see through and experiences in our lives that make us have a certain perspective?  Absolutely.

Does that filter or perspective control you?  No.

After you see through your initial lens you have the power and ability to then choose a different lens. To see someone differently or maybe even to just see them for the first time without your agenda or arguments. I promise, you will then find yourself looking at your reflection. Because when you peel back the layers of the personality and characteristics of each individual, you will then find the common desires and dreams that lie within in all of us.

The desire to be loved and to love another. 

The hope to live out ones dreams. 

The fear of failure and rejection.

The deep desire for a friend and to be known. 

The cry in ones heart to be seen.

It’s in all of us. I promise you. We just forget that we are all the same in the end. We let point of views, opinions, and ideas cover that truth up.

There is so much hurt in our world that can be seen in each of our small communities. We don’t solve it by shouting louder our differences. We solve it by seeing our commonality. The resolve is in us choosing to look beyond the surface and see each other.

Knowing our sameness is the key.

I have a small challenge for you if you are up for it.

See someone without a bias or a motive.  Appreciate them, try to understand them, and most of all love them.

Because we are all the same in the end.

Unconditional.

Unconditional Love.

How is it that when your child does something wrong your heart begins to love them more? How is it that the wrong things don’t outweigh the right? 

Our hearts and minds capacity for love overwhelms me. 

Most of you know who I am talking about when I say Joshua. He is the 14 year old boy in Cambodia that the Lord has connected me to in a very much forever sort of way. I have known him for over three years now and in that three years we went from strangers to friends to family. The moment he decided to call me mom (& I make sure he calls me mom #2 because his beautiful birth mother is still living and we both adore her) I was stunned and left speechless but yet my heart was in agreement with the connection he felt as well. Holy Spirit divinely placed and knitted us together, two people from opposite sides of the earth, brought together through Jesus love. 

When I first met him, he was shy and extremely bashful. He was reserved in giving out his trust and cautious of his actions towards others. Slowly but at the same time in the blink of an eye after living consistent in love for him, we were beyond the walls of acquaintance and comfortable within the barriers of our own hearts. He trusted me and I more than adored him. 

Years passed, he kept growing, love remained and a foundation was laid. I met his family members and he face-timed mine. I put pictures up of him on our Christmas tree and his mother hung up pictures of me in her home. It was a special kind of love, a mutual trust that was bigger than just me and Joshua. It was me calling his mother on the phone and addressing her as “Joshua’s mom” and her answering back to me as “American mom”. We are family. 

Just this past weekend he found himself in some trouble and, I believe, followed a not-so-great friends advice at school and he got into trouble. A trouble that involved police. A trouble that made him have to leave the children’s home he was staying at (due to his widowed mothers current situation).

And it blows my mind how at the first piece of news of what had happened my love for him grew and the walls of my heart contracted, expanding, making itself larger it seemed. 

Unconditional love. 

I knew Jesus loved us with this kind of love and he encouraged us to love with the same. I thought I had done that in the past but never did I feel the physical feeling of an expansion of love in the midst of an absolute wrong. 

I loved him more in that moment than before. I hoped greater and wanted to fight for him to the ends of the earth. (That love comes from Jesus’ heart – so take encouragement that He is giving that to you as you go about making your “wrongs” and “rights”). 

I say all of this to be honest with life. He isn’t perfect by all definitions but in my eyes he is. He can make mistakes. I post the sweet pictures of him and brag of my love for him — but why do parents feel any shame when our child does a wrong? Why do we put shame on them by us living in shame for them?

Is wrong wrong? Yes. 

Is making them relive a wrong right? No. 

Let’s be honest with each other in celebrations and defeats. Let’s show love in victories and hardships. Love only shown in success is not really love. Love given in midst of “wrong doing” is unconditional. 

Jesus gives us that for all of our “secret mistakes” and “private wrongs” — let’s not withhold that from one another. 

Right now is hard because we are figuring out the future and I am trying to speak as much life into him as possible. He needs good voices around him, speaking encouragement and not condemnation. Thankfully the trouble he got into was seen as a warning this time and no repercussions were made. I wanted to be honest, share in the details and struggles of life because we need to feel free and able to be honest with hard times. 

My love for Joshua feels greater and stronger than before, more sure than I have ever have known. I have no idea how it works like that but it can and does if we choose love over a pointing figure and down cast look. We can choose to see what we want. 

I choose him, his future, his now and his past. I choose loving him and hoping for him. 

Unconditional.

And I Looked Up…

The world is always spinning, always moving, always changing. We are in constant movement and sometimes it feels like I can’t keep up, can’t find consistency. My mind thinks about how vast the world is and how at this moment while I type with darkness outside of my window the other side of the world is running under the warmth of the sun. I think about how I sit in my comfortable bed while I know thousands that sleep on the cold ground with nowhere to rest their head. I reminisce on life that has passed and dream ahead to what is to come all the while wondering about this present moment. What is consistent now? Will it be consistent later? What was consistent before?

Eleven Years Ago: Standing on a ledge in the mountains of Honduras, a small house church meeting unfolding behind me and all I am trying to do is make sense of the moment I am standing in. It feels too big for me and so unfamiliar. I don’t know what I am doing. Surrounded by trees, the wind, and a vast sky — I look up. I have seen those stars back home. I breathe in, breathe out – I know that sky.

Five Years Ago: The base in Pemba, Mozambique has had a power outage and we are all left to find a way to spend the rest of the evening without any electricity. Inconvenience turned into beauty as dozens of us gathered around our mud pueblo and began to sing freely, dance wildly, and live fully; and as I danced with no awareness of my surrounding my head whipped back and I looked up – and I knew that sky.

Two Years Ago: Eight months in to a crazy journey all over Southeast Asia full of border jumps, airplanes taking me from country to country, and culture déjà vu, I found myself up in the mountains of a small village in the Philippines. Eight months in and three months to go and the exhaustion was setting in and the desire to be alone was increasing. Walking out to the pebble-cemented porch, coffee and journal in tow, I looked up – and I remembered that sky.

One Year Ago: Discovering yourself and the inner parts of who you are can be exciting and at the same moment terrifying. In the midst of that discovery you just want to feel normal, to release a deep sigh, to breathe in and out and feel okay. Emotions running all over the place, I ran up the stairs of my white pueblo house overlooking the Mediterranean Sea, music and glass of wine in hand – and I look up. I rest in that sight.   I know that place, and I release a deep sigh.

Now: Back in the town I grew up in after years of traveling and being away is lonely no matter how much you try to keep up and stay in the loop, you are still playing catch up. Everyone is similar and you are… well you don’t quite know. Days come and all feels well and then days crash in and you remember the places you went and the people you met and you look around and wonder… what am I doing here? Today was one of those days and I knew before the day was done I had to go out and be with the sky. So there I went and I looked up. And I knew that place.

I realized looking up that it was my consistency. No matter the years that had passed and the places I had been it had always been there with me. And it wasn’t just the sky of stars and the moon that was my consistency. I thought back on all of the times I had looked up and found peace – it was always Jesus’ way of calming me and reminding me of home. Not home as a physical location or people but Him.

While I have been trying to rack my brain on what is consistent in life, I found it tonight sitting on my back porch by simply looking up. And no matter how many questions I have and days that crash in on me, I have realized in a greater depth of how He is my consistency.

No matter where I go the sky is there. And no matter where I go He is there with me. The sky may differ a little in appearance on different sides of the world but it is still the sky. Seasons of life may have me asking different questions but the answer is always the same – He is my consistency.

“It shall be established forever like the moon, and the witness in the sky is faithful.” Selah. Psalm 89:37

Know Your No.

Choosing the easier road is so much more desirable.

Choosing the more understood path makes more sense.

Choosing the quicker route gets you there faster.

Yesterday, I was unexpectedly contacted with the opportunity presented to me to lead a team to Thailand and Cambodia for three months. It would be college students serving a ministry in the two countries, just like my World Race experience. Immediately upon reading the message, my heart began to leap and dance and then also shake with nerves. Is this right? Should I say yes to it? Is this the direction I am supposed to go in right now?

On paper it seemed perfect. I mean, what was not to love about it? It’s Southeast Asia (specifically Cambodia), community, ministry, adventure, and Jesus. There wasn’t much fault to find in it. Sure, yeah, they were asking me to commit within hours and leave this month. Last notice really isn’t difficult for me. Spontaneous adventure like that feels natural.

So you would be shocked if I told you that I said “no” to the opportunity? Are you shocked? I can hear it now, “but Anne-Michael, you love Asia and most definitely love Cambodia? You love missions and adventure and leading?” all said with a perplexed face.

Yes, I do, to all of those things. And me saying no doesn’t cause them to cease to exist. I hit so many walls of untruth while I was contemplating and asking the Lord about what to do.   Untruths that I was giving in to – but I also recognized more of what I truly want.

Me saying no, in actuality, means saying NO to:

>>The pressure of pleasing people. I don’t look very “put together” right now in life. And not having next steps planned can be scary to me and others.  If I would have said yes to this trip it would have been giving in to the pressure of pleasing those around me, just for the sake of having something I am doing.

>>Fear of being idle or stuck. In my own mind, I don’t like just being home with no spoken directive, trust me it isn’t fun. I could easily have jumped on to that trip and ran away from transition and being home. It would have been SO much easier.

>>Fear that my dreams won’t come to be.   Your mind gets to you sometimes; you think, “oh, by saying no to this, am I ending the possibility of my dream coming to pass?” In which you remind yourself that God is much more sovereign than my one decision.

Me saying no, really means I said YES to:

>>The challenge of remaining and finishing a season of transition. I don’t give myself enough grace. This time around coming home at the holidays, I forgot that I was in transition and just forced myself back into the flow. (Warning: If you are coming back from a cross-cultural setting, don’t force yourself back in!) Now that the holidays ended I am remembering that I have only been home a month and a half – I need to allow myself to be in transition.

>>Choosing a time to myself. My hopes of moving overseas are very real and the expectations for that to happen within the next year so this is a time I can be a little selfish and choose myself. I can be home, have a job, and work on me. Yet again, I deserve that. We all deserve to work on ourselves, because you are important to you!

>>Last but not least, family. In the past 3 years I have been overseas more than half of that. Saying ‘no’ to going on another short-term trip was me saying ‘yes’ to using this time for family and friends that I have been away from for so long. I want to cuddle all the babies and spend the time that I can, when I can.

Just because there are benefits in saying no, doesn’t mean that it was entirely easy. The thought that I could be in Cambodia in March was insane and it took a moment to grieve. At the same time, saying no feels powerful – especially when that no is the harder but better choice.

My eyes and heart are set on being with family while stateside, working on myself, and making steps towards long-term Cambodia. I thought I knew those things but after turning down that opportunity, I realized it even more.

I learned a lot about myself in the whirlwind of those two hours from receiving the message to my final decision. I learned that I am getting past people pleasing now and I am moving more into a sureness of who I am and where I want to go.

I chose the harder path, the one that doesn’t have clear answers.

I chose the harder road, the one that kind of doesn’t make sense but yet it does.

I chose the harder route and I don’t regret it.

Most of the time easy doesn’t take us to where our dreams become flesh – it just alleviates us of remaining patient in the waiting for that dream. Think about what you are dreaming for you, for others, and for long-term – position your yes and no around those dreams.

Know your NO, it will be worth it.

Jump Over Your Fence

Over the thousands of miles I have traveled, bus stations I have sat waiting in for hours, streets that I have brushed shoulders with the thousands of different people from various backgrounds, and I continually see the hurt in people. Sometimes it’s just an observation but with others it is a glance into their eyes and can be seen so clearly.

 

Sitting on a bench, waiting for my bus arrival in Malaga, I see a young couple pass by. The man is stoic with a face of no expression, even walking a step or two ahead. The woman seems frail and broken, wiping tears away from her cheeks. There body language: distant; he doesn’t seem to be aware of her current state or is a champion at avoiding and ignoring. I could paint up several scenarios of where those tears came from: a call filled with bad news from a relative or friend, an argument with her boyfriend over words that seem to get lost in communication, or maybe it was the stress of a long work day. I cannot know. But I do know that their distance didn’t help her hurt. She needed him in that moment, whether her words would ever express it – her eyes did.

Resting on a beach years ago a moment happened that I will never forget. Being the observer that I am I can find myself watching and learning people for hours. Some people go to the beach and they need books and magazines but the people on it are my past time. Two families near my chair had sat up their camp for the day, toys, floats, snacks, umbrellas, you name it — they had it. The two mothers bathed in the sun, magazines in hand, chatting the day away; the fathers were settled into their beach chairs, sipping beers, and talking occasionally about sport headline news; the two boys, best friends, splashed in the water all day, wake boarding and snorkeling for treasures beneath the water’s sparkling blue surface. They all seemed satisfied, in their niche, content. Near the end of the day one of the sons yelled back to his father on the sand, still sitting with drink in hand and talking sports as he was hours previous. “Dad, come out to the sand bar with me!! Please come!” We hear these words and we may think, “oh he is just a needy kid.” And there could be some truth to those words, but not in this circumstance. I could feel his desire to be with his dad, father-son time. His dad without saying words, motioned his hand for him to go on, dismissing his plea for attention and time. If my eye could capture the moment I saw, his face overcome with rejection, then maybe you could truly understand the weight of the moment. Just to watch was devastating. That day and the next four days his father didn’t answer that plea for love.  Hurt and no one taking notice, what would this moment began to chip away at in his heart? What would his father’s response add to his world-view of life and his purpose within it?

We hurt one another so much with our words and actions or lack thereof. Why do we so insist on living a life of giving hurt away like it’s a grand consolation prize at a carnival? “If we could just hurt everyone around us, then we would all love life?” Said no one. Nor has it ever been desired by anyone.

And when we do hurt someone or know that someone is hurting around us we choose a life of oblivion. Like the boyfriend, adamantly choosing to walk side by side his girlfriend down a street, as she wipes tears away, but never turns to her. We cannot go on much longer with this life tactic. This is not us facing life head on, this is not us choosing relationship with those around us, this is not fully living.

I am guilty of knowing the hurt that is in people around me and deciding to keep skipping through my field of lush grass in my head while avoiding the looming storms in the fields of the people around me. It’s easy to turn a blind eye, trust me, I know — so much easier.

Imagine: If we all have these fields, each our own life, our field, and we all have those hard days, storms or maybe no rain for awhile and our crops are dying. Maybe it’s harvest day but you can’t manage it on your own. Those days are overwhelming, stressful, and lonely. These are the moments that are most powerful: the farmer in the bordering field jumps over his fence and gives you a hand.

My family did this well and I learn so much in life from them.  They are all farmers, owning their own livestock and crops, but when another neighbor needed help they were there, without questions, because they knew the pain and struggle of not being able to do the work on their own. I saw this and the impact it had — this choice kept another mans field alive.

Even last night, as I walked home to my home here in Mijas, I noticed some commotion happening in the street ahead and realized that there was a man threatening to jump from his balcony to his death.  My heart immediately breaking, what was he feeling and thinking that brought him to this conclusion?  I think back to the years where those thoughts were my home and my heart breaks even more.  The police were motioning for people to keep walking past and give them space so I rushed home to watch and pray from the terrace of my home.  Women standing on the streets, maybe his mother and aunt, shouting, “por favor! no, por favor!” You could hear the break in their voices as they shouted and pleaded with him.  After some time passed and more pleading, he finally let them into his home and backed away from the balcony.  He was safe.  The police officers, women, and neighbors that spoke life and love to him in that moment did the most powerful thing: they jumped over the fence and went to rescue him. 

It’s selfless to see someone else’s hurt or need but it could be what keeps them alive. I hear you, it’s hard, it’s messy, maybe you don’t feel like you have anything to offer. But the thing is — you do. It’s you turning to them and acknowledging the hurt and staying with them, helping tend to their field – this keeps them alive.

So let’s start jumping over our fences for people around us.  

 

Thank You Notes

A heart of gratitude goes a long way and words of thankfulness can encourage and empower those around us. We forget often to think back on the goodness of life and those that were along the way in each part of journey. So this is a simple but deeply, heart-felt thank you to all those that have loved me, supported me, and impacted my life in some way, whether small or large.

Mom and Dad:

Thank you for giving me life. You brought me into a home; a home that gave me safety, a curious and creative mind, the ethic of hard work, food on a table and clothes on my back, and the world as my oyster. Even more, thank you for not casting me away in my hardest and darkest years, you know those “goth punk” years. That took a lot to keep trying to understand me in those times, so thank you. Also, thank you for standing by me in this crazy life I chose of saying yes to God even though it doesn’t make sense most times – you still are always in my corner even when my corner is confusing or the dots aren’t getting connected. Thank you for letting me be who I am and believing in me.

Chandra:

My big sister, who always has shown me how to love life and enjoy the moments around me, thank you. Without you I would have not opened my mind to the vastness of the world at the young age I did. You have always been a dreamer and that helped me not feel like a misfit when I realized I was a dreamer too. Thank you for being you, for being adventurous and spontaneous, it’s been a great teacher to the more methodical/logical side of my brain. Life wouldn’t be as rich without you in it! 

Shannon and Tracey:

Where do I begin? The love you have shown me since the day I showed up in your youth room surpasses what I ever expected from church. In all my mess and hard questions you stuck by me. When I sat in your office or came to your house in tears, you never left the room. When I had hardly been following Jesus for five minutes you were empowering me to speak, pray, prophecy, to walk in who I was. Your immediate embrace of love and support still blows me away and I am experiencing the fruit of it even today. A thank you just doesn’t seem enough but it’s all I have, so thank you for seeing me.

Pastor Roy and Cheri:

I have traveled the world and America and met people from all different backgrounds and I realize more and more how honored I am that my first experience of pastors was you. You have shown me the true meaning of leadership, integrity, faith, and how hope and beauty can come from pain and struggle. There is no amount of words that could express who you are to me and what you have meant. Mostly, thank you for loving me like your own and fighting for me to keep going.   You have always believed in me and trusted my heart and dreams and I am learning that that is rarity to find in today’s world.

Linda:

“Just be creative” — I never knew that those words would be the building blocks of a relationship I can’t imagine life without. I am in tears just thinking of my thankfulness for you. Thank you for showing me what a powerful woman looks like; you have shown me that over the years in the way you love your family, the authority and faith you carry, the pursuit of your dreams and desires, and in the moments when you spoke direct truth into my brokenness and frustrations. I know that you will always be cheering me on and I hope you know that I am cheering you on to. It’s not easy to find solid, genuine people – and you are one — and I am so thankful I found you! 

Christian Assembly:

When I first starting coming to Christian Assembly, I had no idea what was happening around me (being a person that had never seen or heard of miracles, Holy Spirit, worship, etc) but I knew there was passion. You as a body have inspired me, challenged me, fought with me, and supported me. Getting to be a part of your lives can be credited with so much of where I am now in life. No matter where I go geographically you will always be a home to me, a family that I can lean on and find encouragement from. Thank you for letting me into your homes and families, for trusting me and equipping me to understand better how to live a life of obedience to Jesus in a real and genuine way.

Family & Friends:

To my family, beyond any word I could speak, thank you. Some of my best times in life have been spent with you. I continually brag wherever I go about those good times, four wheelin’, shooting guns, playing cards, bonfires and hayrides, and just the simplicity of being together. On the list of things I am grateful for in life you all are way up there. I could not have asked for a better family. My heart wells up with pride for you all.

To my friends, you are a special breed. We aren’t bonded together by blood but in spirit. We have helped shape one another into the people we are today and loved each other through our differences. As I write this I think of all of you, memories flashing through my head, the belly laughs, crazy road trips, honest tears, and hours we would spend talking about life and its meaning. Thank you for wanting to have those deep conversations, for challenging the normal, and for laughing our way through the unknowns of life. This thank you stretches over the vastness of the earth to everyone I have loved and met along the way to those that I have known for years: It’s an honor to call you friend.

 

 

This list could go on and on and I hope you know that even if you weren’t mentioned by name in this it doesn’t mean I haven’t thought of you. Maybe this blog is silly, I don’t normally write in this way or theme but I think we need to be thanking one another for the goodness we have brought into each other’s lives.

So again I say, thank you (because to all who read this we have known each other in some capacity) for opening the doors of your life and allowing me in, whether it was one conversation or years of memories, thank you.