How about you try to lay it all down? Forget it for a while. Take a break.
The past eight months have been some of the most challenging months I have faced with uncertainty looming around every corner and waves of grief crashing on the shore of my heart it seemed daily.
The organization I was working for was having major problems internally that led me to leave, Covid began to show itself here in Cambodia, my closest friend of three years here in country left, I had to move cities thus losing all the normals of the life I had built for three years, I was 31 and single, and I had no clue what was next.
I do not know how you process transitions or get your mind around situations but I ask God for pictures, little short films, that capture me and Him and the season I find myself in. Recently I asked God for a picture of what this past six to eight months looked like and I began to have my own “disciples in the storm panicking” sort of moment.
Dark waters, gloomy skies, pelting raindrops that stung your skin, chaos swirling around with winds tossing the boat every way – it felt unending. I was pacing to each end of the boat, fully overwhelmed by the circumstances surrounding my little boat. Which was the right way? How could I manage the boat from not capsizing? Did I really know how to weather a storm like this? Would I survive it all?
Doubt and worry making their great appearance in my thoughts.
Stress building up and feelings of inadequacy – I couldn’t keep this boat above water.
I looked over to my friend, Jesus, in the boat yelling question after question over the load roars of the situation surrounding us. I was a bit frustrated with His lack of response. He was laying down with his eyes closed and seemed to be unbothered by it all. Then He peaked His right eye open and said, “how about you just lay all those questions down? How about you forget having the directions for a minute and take a break?”
“But the storm?!” I exclaimed. This seemed absurd and a bit impossible. I mean, this storm was massive. It was full of grief, pain, vulnerability, loss, the unknown, and uncertainty – how could I really not stress about all of it? It was so loud, demanding for my attention.
“You do not have to figure it all out. I am here. I am in the boat. The storm won’t come inside the boat and it won’t over take you. Trust me – take a rest from it.”
You see, I had been asking question on question every day for months. Keeping my focus more on my circumstances more than my Friend in the boat. I wasn’t trusting Him fully – I was holding things in my hands, trying to make sense of it all when He was all along inviting me to deeper trust, to lay it all down and rest in His peace.
After I choose to lay all my questions and worries down I found much more peace. I didn’t magically get answers or clarity on of the matters I had been pestering Him with but I did find Him. He never denied the storm happening around me but He did change my perspective. You may have a storm raging around you and I will not tell you that it isn’t real. It is very real, it is hard, and it feels overwhelming – I am sure of it. I also know you can choose to take the pressure off yourself. You can choose not to carry the burden of solving the riddles written out in front of you.
Too often we magnify the storm, the situation, we are facing. We pick it apart, look at it from all angles, and still find ourselves frustrated because maybe it isn’t for us to figure out in that moment. I stopped asking and decided that Jesus would tell me more at the time it was needed. He has always told me what I needed to know when I needed it. He has always opened up doors when the door was ready to be opened and he also always closed doors, that after hindsight I realized, needed to be closed. A storm can kind of make us forget that absolute truth that He is with us. Don’t let the storm fool you – He is with you in it.
I can trust Him. You can lay it all down. We can take a rest from that worry.
“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
So, how about you try to lay it all down? Forget it for a while. Take a break. Trust Him.
Rest
Furious Love 